A Message to Brandon Inge

Can you guys believe its been a week since we signed Prince Fielder? We can't. We fluctuate between offhandedly feeling like life has always been this good ("I mean, we know we're going win the AL Central, if not the whole thing. No one can touch us") to actually stopping and thinking about what God himself Mike Illitch did for us and squealing in joy. Everyone in Tiger Nation is overjoyed.

Well. Not everyone.

You either love him or you hate him, and the signing of Prince Fielder will determine where Tigers fan's loyalties lie. Brandon Inge, who is undoubtedly a great person, husband, dad, citizen, yada yada yada, is not the best ballplayer anymore. Nor is he vital to the success of our team. The educated Tigers fan--heck, anyone who isn't an Inge fangirl--knows this.

The question is: does Brandon know this?

He said during the Tigers Caravan that he doesn't want to platoon, he wants to start. Hear that, Don Kelly? Brandon Inge says suck it, because the hot corner is all his. Fast forward to just a few days later and the scenario is Fielder at first and Miguel Cabrera at third. No Brandon Inge in sight, and according to Jim Leyland, he is not a "happy camper."

Oooookay. We know Brandon's reaction to the trade come by just word of mouth, but seriously. For a guy who was designated last year, has seen his defensive range decrease substantially over the past few years, and had a whopping .190 batting average in the 2011 season, a spot on the team at all should be a blessing. Inge should be happy that Fielder has arrived, as it gives his team a chance to be better, not be bitching and moaning because he's not going to start.

Think that's a little harsh? Think we're being mean to poor, sweet, fan-favorite Brandon Inge? We could be meaner. Look at what all-around douchelord Denny McClain had to say about Brandon this past weekend. After putting him on blast for whining, McClain tossed Inge's photo to the floor and said "That's he first time he's hit something in two years." Is Denny McClain a huge jerk? Yes. Was that unnecessarily mean of him? Yes. But, layered under mean-spiritedness and irony, McClain's statement was very true. Inge is past his prime, and he needs to get over it.

Look, Brandon. We love you, you know we do. We appreciate all you have done for Detroit in your many, many years here. But it is simply not cool to think that you're going to have a prayer of starting this year, let alone be complaining about it. This isn't 2006 anymore. At 34 years old, the only way a player survives much longer is if he can slug. You can't. That's not the reason we loved you. So swallow your pride, wipe your tears, and play out your last season in the D as a defensive replacement.

No one wants to be That Guy. The Guy who thinks he's a lot cooler, smarter, hotter, or better than he actually is. Remember who you are, Brandon. Please don't be That Guy.

For more great articles, be sure to visit April in the D.

By aprilinthed
Tuesday, 31 Jan 2012


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